Don’t.

Now sometimes you have to. I consider it a heads up at the very least now. I initially had hoped they would do something about the discrimination in the workplace, but I was wrong. Here’s a few tips I’ve gotten from smarter people than myself and some that I’ve had to learn on my own, the hard way. These are all the things I would have liked to know before beginning the process.

Realise who HR works for

HR works for the company. Their job focuses on keeping the company safe. They will always do what is best for the company. So say you want to file a complaint about discrimination in the workplace. Their job is to find out if the company could end up being sued. They have no incentive to believe you nor to do anything about things.

You are not alone

One of the first actions HR took were all focused at making me feel like I was alone in this. That no-one has this experience, this is exceptional and this must have been misunderstood. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. And most importantly don’t let them think you are alone.

If you do feel alone post on Reddit, Blind or some anonymous platform. You’ll see just how many people are facing the same issues. (Blind is company specific so you could find people with issues with the same exact people…) If you’re braver, you can use non anonymous resources of communication your company offers… I did. I got some amazing responses from people. Didn’t change anything but it did make me feel less alone. And that is everything.

Don’t let them silence you

One of the first things they said and repeated in each and every meeting is just how much worse for me it would be if I were to speak about it. They tried to convince me I couldn’t even talk to my partner about it anymore. I didn’t listen.

Speak out in public or anonymous forums. Or consult a local employment hotline. A lot of countries have employment whistleblower helplines. They will advise you what to do better than HR as they don’t work for the company.

I didn’t do this and regret it. I had no-one in my corner. But whistleblower hotlines and anonymous posts is how you get either the law or media on your side. It will be much harder for them to ignore the issue.

Refuse meetings with HR on Fridays

I took a meeting with HR on Friday where they told me there was no concrete evidence of the discrimination. I had first made the report in April. This meeting was in November. I felt absolutely horrible the entirety of the next weekend. I wasted it being depressed locked in my room.

So never take meetings on Fridays. It will just mess up your weekend. In the unlikely chance that it is good news, still avoid meetings with HR on Fridays at all costs. If they try to schedule something for Friday, reject it and ask to reschedule. If you’re gonna feel miserable after talking to them, which in my experience you do, at least be miserable on company time.

HR is not the last resort

The media is one place one can turn to in some cases. A lot of coverage can lead to action. For example there is the famous case of the Google employee who claimed the women are biologically different to men and thus are worse engineers. The uproar caused the employee to get fired. Without the media the employee would likely have gotten a slap on the wrist and no-one would have bothered. I’ve seen it happen with less explicit stuff where nothing happened.

Check the employment law in your country. There can be hotlines to help you with this process. You never know if the company may be close to being under investigation for discrimination. All that it takes is enough reports to make a case. See the situation at Uber from 2018. You may be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I know I’m not, but you could be.

Why should I bother?

I don’t know. At least two other women made complaints in my area/department/part of the organisation at the time… that I know of. Due to the big team being very scarce in women (even for tech) it was considered not enough signal that this is a problem. But maybe if it happens often enough they would deem that a certain person is too much of a liability as little by little more and more evidence is gathering. I find that unlikely.

It’s been months since my last meeting with them and I still feel sore about it. I got a new manager who let slip that I am on their watch list…

Useful resources

I thought I’d add a few of the resources I have heard of.

EASS helpline in the UK

EEOC in the USA

Report a workplace concern to the government in Australia